Jackson, Mississippi - Just last month, we brought you news of a terrible disease that seems to be sweeping across the nation where people appear to become EXTREMELY fatigued in the middle of certain words. People have become so winded when saying these simple words, that they just stop talking suddenly half way through. Prob, def, whatever, and preesh were the most glaring examples we told you of. We are sad to report that since our original story ran on May 4th, the disease has shown no signs of slowing down and appears to be growing. Just this morning, one woman in Michigan was actually spotted at a restaurant telling a waiter that her meal was “delish.” We assume she was attempting to say the word delicious, when she was momentarily stricken with this disease. Scientists and doctors are reportedly still working hard to find the root of this epidemic, but a cure has yet to be found. So please, remember all of the warning signs and symptons we told you about in our original article – which can be found below – and now a new word must be added to the list. Please, if you hear anyone speak any of these words, help them immediately. They may continue to sound like complete brain dead morons, but that may not be the case. This could be a nervous system disorder, a virus, or they may not even be human beings, saying words like “delish.” Only time will tell, as we continue to hope for a solution to this epidemic.
ORIGINAL ARTICLE POSTED MAY 04, 2011:
There appears to be a disease sweeping across America and is, for the most part, going unchecked. The disease seems to be found mostly in women age 14-26, although there have been a few male cases reported so far. The main sympton so far appears to be one becoming extremely fatigued in the middle of saying certain words. So fatigued, in fact, that they cannot seem to finish those words. Here are a few examples:
“Prob” instead of probably
“Def” in the place of definitely
“Whatev” instead of whatever
“Preesh” instead of appreciate
And perhaps the most alarming example came just recently when one Mississippi woman was actually heard saying that something was “presh” instead of being able to say the full word, precious. Doctors are reportedly baffled by this epidemic and are saying that until more research is done, the best way to handle this situation is that if you experience someone saying these words, make sure they are ok by asking questions like “Oh, was the full word too much for you?” or “Did you run out of breath in the middle of that word?” Your first reaction when you hear someone speak these half words is to laugh at them or maybe roll your eyes and dismiss them as dumb. But medical professionals are warning that that may be the worst way to handle this situation, saying that this could potentially be something serious involving their cardiovascular system if they are getting winded after only one half of a word. Several English teachers have even commented on the topic, saying they are just as dumbfounded. One such teacher we spoke with said “it’s tough, ya know? I spend my life teaching people correct spelling, grammar, and how to form sentences, then you hear these girls say things like “prob” and “presh”, it just breaks my heart. But then I think maybe it has something to do wtih their bodies, because after all, they are getting winded after only finishing half of a word. It’s just frustrating, you know?” Chances are many of us can agree with her frustrations, because we most likely know at least one person who has been afflicted with this disease. Perhaps it’s a friend, or neighbor, or a friend’s wife. Whatever the case may be, next time you hear them utter such words as “def” and “preesh”, don’t dismiss them as simply being complete morons who for some reason think it sounds cool to abbreviate their words. Ask them if they are ok, and pray that we may one day find the cure.