Posted on 17 January 2012 by bmar1127
St. Louis, Missouri - Last Friday, former Titans coach, Jeff Fisher, agreed to become the new head football coach of the St. Louis Rams. The move came as a surprise to many who thought that he was certain to take over the Miami Dolphins. Both teams wanted him, both teams were willing to pay for him. So what was the deciding factor that lead Fisher to choose the Rams? “Revenge” said Fisher at today’s news conference formally introducing him as the new coach of the Rams. “I’ve been looking to get revenge on this organization for twelve years and now I will get it.” He then went on to explain that he still felt bitter about losing to the Rams in Super Bowl XXXIV back in 2000 as coach of the Tennessee Titans. According to Fisher, he began formulating a plan to become the Rams coach years ago, as he knew there would soon be a coaching vacancy due to the team being extremely shitty. Fisher says that the last year off from football has really allowed him to finalize his plan on avenging his loss twelve years ago to the Rams. “It should be easy” Fisher remarked. “These assholes won two games last year. Can’t get much worse.” So how exactly will the new coach completely sink this team as he wishes? Reports are that his first move will be to hire Gregg Williams as the team’s defensive coordinator. Williams was previously the defensive coordinator of the New Orleans Saints, a defense that finished ranked 24th in the league for the 2011 regular season. “So I think that will be a good start,” said Fisher “that move should really ensure we have a shitty defense.” There are also rumors that he will hire Jets offensive coordinator, Brian Shottenheimer, a move Fisher says should “really reduce this offense to shit, just look at the Jets. But he was in charge of an offense run by Mark Sanchez. No one’s going to win with that piece of shit at quarterback….Plus they both had to answer to that fat, loud mouth waste of fucking space, Rex Ryan. So apparently the Shottenheimer move is not definite, as Fisher is uncertain if it will guarantee complete embarrassment of the St. Louis franchise. When asked if he is conerned about losing games the way he intends to would hurt his coaching legacy, Fisher simply responded “I don’t care,” followed by “At least I don’t have to be around Vince Young anymore.” Vince Young, of course, was the emotionally unstable failure of a quarterback in Tennessee with a forehead the size of a movie screen and the IQ of a fucking rock. Details of Fisher’s contract were not disclosed, but Rams owner Stan Kroenke said that it would Keep Fisher losing in St. Louis “for a good while.”
Posted on 01 September 2011 by bmar1127
Nashville, Tennessee – Titans running back, Chris Johnson, ended his holdout today when he agreed to a 4 year/53.5 million dollar contract extension, making him the highest paid running back in the NFL. The deal also includes $30 million guaranteed. Finally?! Right? At least he can now afford to feed his family! Johnson was going to make ONLY $1.065 million this upcoming season, barely enough to purchase two extravagant homes, an extremely high performance car, and some rare jewelry. So hopefully, you were praying for the NFL superstar during these difficult times, at least Johnson thinks you should have been, according to his Twitter. “I like to thank everyone who have me in their prayers thru my situation, it’s much needed” he tweeted yesterday. Don’t judge him on the fact that he clearly has no grasp on the concept of word usage, grammar, and the English language in general. Just know that he needed you to be praying for him through this entire “situation.” And shame on you if you weren’t! This “situation” was dire! I mean, what was happening in the world that should have warranted being in your prayers? Victims of the recent hurricane that tore through Eastern part of the United States? The numerous Americans who have lost their jobs, homes, savings, and even families? I think not! Not when Chris Johnson was only going to make $1.065 million this season! And some even had the nerve to call him greedy, which he responded to on Twitter by telling the “fake titan fans” to “STFU” and “i don’t have a regular job dont compare me to you and I can care less if uthink I’m greedy.” He then clarified his statements by once again butchering the English language, typing “if you was real fan my tweet would not bother you” and “I’m not call the titan fans fake at all.” Hopefully, this will all be settled now as Chris Johnson will now receive a very reasonable sum of $30 million guaranteed, will show up at training camp, and perhaps take a few English courses to learn how to spell, use proper grammar, and basically just talk like a human being. So for now, if you have not been already, keep Johnson in your prayers. God knows he deserves it (according to him.) We here at Ridicularity certainly will, as we would just like to say congratulations, Chris Johnson…you god damn mouth breathing idiot! You may be an insult to human life, but you finally got your new contract!
Posted on 05 January 2011 by bmar1127
Nashville, Tennessee – There is great confusion and uncertainty around Nashville right now, and it all revolves around the future of the Tennessee Titans. Will head coach Jeff Fisher be back next season? If he is, quarterback Vince Young most likely will not be, and vice versa. At first glance, you would think the decision would be clear: You have a coach who is the longest tenured coach in the league and has taken the team to the super bowl vs a QB who has been in the league for 5 years and is averaging just over 8 passing touchdowns a year. However, nothing is clear here thanks to the biggest battle of all: dementia. This is clearly what Titans owner Bud Adams suffers from. His fascination with Vince Young, due to the fact his home in the Houston area is also the home town of Vince Young, does not allow Adams to see this as a clear matter whatsoever. He has looked past an apparent nervous breakdown Young suffered in the opening game of the 2008 season when he was booed by fans for a terrible performance in a game against the Jaguars. He injured his knee in the same game. Reports surfaced later that no one could find Young and many were concerned he was thinking of taking his life. Although these reports were later stated to be false, so were the reports he scored a 6 on his wonderlic test at the NFL combine. It is easy to tell, however, that report was true simply by looking at the mouth breathing dummy. The latest reported meltdown occured just this past season in a game against the Redskins when Young, once again, was booed for his performance, motioned to the crowd to “bring it on”, was benched, and then threw half of his uniform into the stands on the way to the locker room. Once in the locker room, Young yelled at Fisher when he was told to be quiet and stormed out of the facility. Both player and coach felt angry and disrespected by the actions that day and here we are almost 2 months later , the same feelings of anger and disrespect still in the air. Neither Fisher nor Young have spoken on the matter again….until yesterday. When asked by a reporter, Vince Young admitted that he “hates Jeff Fisher and cannot stand the sight of him.” However, his other personality, who is apparently named Kyle, then said he “loves the coach as a person, a coach, and an owner of a very handsome moustache.” So it would seem that a very strange situation has just gotten even more strange. Vince Young is apparently nuts, has 2 personalities (one of whom finds Fisher’s moustache handsome?) Bud Adams is a senile 88 year old man who flips off fans and has a creepy infatuation with Young (see his Christmas card in above photo) All of this, coupled with the fact that running back Chris Johnson, who suffers from tourettes, recently yelled “UP YOURS SON OF A BITCH!” to an old lady who was just asking him what time it was, truly make the Tennessee Titans one of the most interesting and confusing teams in the NFL right now.