Ridicularity.com brings you FuckFest 2012! The festival with a little something for everyone!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Kobe Bryant scored 28 points in last night’s 95-90 loss to the 76ers to move him past former teammate Shaquille O’Neal as the fifth leading scorer in NBA history. Before the game may have been the biggest moment for the all star guard, however, as Bryant sexual assaulted two local women, giving him the record as the Los Angeles Lakers all time leading rapist. Afterward, Shaquille O’Neal offered his congratulations to Bryant, saying “I want to personally congratulate Kobe on being the greatest Laker rapist ever. His accomplishment is great and well deserved, and I’m really proud of him. He told me when he was 18 years old that he’d go down as the greatest Laker rapist ever, and one of the greatest sexual deviants of all time. And he wasn’t lying.” Bryant now sets his sights on Wilt Chamberlain, who is not only ahead of Bryant as the fourth leading scorer of all time, but is ahead of only Bryant for the NBA all time leading rapist. In fact, Chamberlain’s sexual prowess has been the stuff of legends over the years, with stories that he has slept with hundreds, some evern say thousands, of women. But what most people don’t know is that many of those numbers were acheived via overly aggressive, unwanted sexual advances on the part of Chamberlain. Bryant sounded confident that he could indeed reach Chamberlain’s numbers though. When asked if he thinks he is going to rape enough women to reach the record, Bryant responded “I believe so,” and added “One day it will happen.”

Denver, Colorado – Tim Tebow is clearly not your average NFL quarterback. That statement is true for his actions both on field and off.  We’ve seen him this season take control of a close game with both his arm AND his legs. After the game, his first action is always to thank God and his last action is always to say “God bless.” Always spiritual and emotional, a lot of people continue to poke fun at this side of Tebow’s personality. Well, that side of his personality has now served him and the Denver Broncos well, as they have announced their latest free agent signing….. God.  The deal is said to be for 3 years and worth $27 million. “I’m very pleased with this signing” said head coach John Fox. “There were a lot of people who viewed Tim’s lack of conventional QB play as a negative, but now, thanks to their close personal relationship, he was able to talk a game changer like “the almighty” into coming here, so we might have 2 unconventional players now, but I’ll take it if it keeps going the way it is!” Tebow seemed just as delighted as coach Fox when he spoke of the signing. “This is going to be great. We’ve always worked well together and now that I’ve convinced the big man to go pro, we can continue to do so in the NFL” said Tebow. “It was not easy to get him to agree to this, he’s always been more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. He helped me a lot in college, but he never really wanted to be known for it, never wanted to be seen in the stands or on the sidelines during games… I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that he and coach Meyer really didn’t get along.” It seems like that won’t be a problem, however, with the Broncos coaching staff, as they have already begun training God, spending extra time with him at practice this past week and even high fiving him after he had 4 interceptions while working with the second team defense. “It’s amazing” assistant coach Dennis Allen said. “He hasn’t played the game in hundreds of years, yet he showed absolutely no signs of rust out there today in practice. Quarterback coach, Adam Gase, also praised God’s work ethic so far, saying that he seems pretty “old school” and that he seems like the kind of player who would “sacrifice everything for you.” The coaches weren’t the only ones impressed, however. Veteran cornerback, Champ Bailey, said he noticed immediately that this signing is going to make an impact, telling one reporter that “some guys create opportunities and some guys shy away from them, this guy is definitely a creator.” Although he worked out strictly as a cornerback here yesterday, it is expected that the Broncos will try God out at a few different positions, including quarterback, which seemed to upset Tebow a bit. “Me and God have a special relationship” said Tebow, “but if he’s going to try to take my spot on the depth chart, I will bury him!”

Dresden, Germany - After losing 2-0 to the United States on Tuesday to open up the 2011 women’s world cup, the North Korean women’s soccer team is now worried about far more than a match. It was revealed yesterday that Kim Jong – il, the leader of the democratic people’s republic of Korea (who is insane by the way), is planning the demise of these young women if they lose another game. When asked if he thought this was a bit much, Jong – il replied “I have kirred for so much ress and I will damn sure do it again! I once had a man kirred because he did not say “bress you” when I sneezed. You got me?! I don’t give a F! If they rose another game, they rose their rives!” Jong – il is reportedly already mapping out a plan that for every goal scored against them, one member of the North Korean team will be executed. The psychotic North Korean leader did not comment on who would be first, but after allowing 2 goals against the United States on Tuesday, it is said that Jong- il was furious with the goalie. “Yes, she is awfur goarie!” he shouted when asked about her performance. He was then asked if he did indeed have the team’s goal keeper killed, wouldn’t that lead to even more goals being scored against them? Jong – il simply snapped back “Sorry Charrie! Not my probrem!” before walking away. Currently, the North Korean women are scheduled to play Sweden on Saturday and against Colombia on July 5th, although it is unclear if they will actually make it to the Colombia match. So it would seem this year’s women’s world cup just got even more interesting as we will now be paying close attention to these storylines: Can North Korea win? Will they keep their lives? Why is this man a complete psycho? Why can’t these people pronounce L’s instead of giving them an R sound? Time will tell.