New Orleans, Louisiana - After six consecutive years of New Orleans Saints players (most notably Drew Brees) needlessly reminding the world that hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans in 2005 as if we didn’t know, they now have something new they can whine about for the next six years. Rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III led the Washington Redskins, a consistently loose butthole team, into New Orleans and picked the Saints apart. Griffin finished 19 of 26 for 320 passing yards and 2 touchdowns. He also added 42 yards rushing….all in the first game of his professional career. Perhaps now the topic will change when Brees appears on radio and television both local and nationwide. Perhaps it will change from repeatedly bringing up Katrina years after it happened for no reason whatsoever and acting like New Orleans was the only area affected, all while giving the illusion that the Saints players were affected in any way whatsoever except for having to move to San Antonio for a brief period of time, where their housing, meals, etc. were all paid for on top of the large salaries they were already receiving. Perhaps now instead of “woe is me, Katrina,” Brees and the Saints will be saying “woe is me, Robert Griffin just fucked us where we stood!”

New York City - After months and months of having Andrew Luck shoved down our throats by people like the assholes at ESPN, the former Stanford quarterback was finally taken first overall by the Indianapolis Colts tonight. The unfortunate looking Luck becomes the first manbearpig ever to be taken in the NFL draft. It was just discovered at the combine earlier this year that Luck was indeed a manbearpig, as it was previously thought that he just had an incredibly unfortunate looking face. Being the first MBP could put even more pressure on Luck as he is already expected to be a hall of fame type quarterback according to jackasses like Mark Schlereth, Mel Kiper, Merril Hoge, and others at the increasingly lame ESPN, who make statements like “Luck is going to be a franchise quarterback in the NFL for the next 10-12 years” as if it’s not even an opinion, but fact. Really? That good for that long, huh? Guess what takes care of that……one shot to the knee. So maybe you should back off such statements. To Luck’s credit, he has seemingly not bought into all of this pathetically ridiculous and unending hype that ESPN has crammed down our throats since the kid was a sophomore in college. He seems to remain humble throughout, saying only that he is “thankful for the opportunity” and that “can’t wait to get that first NFL paycheck so I can do something about this unfortunate face of mine.”