Indianapolis, Indiana – The NCAA announced a few new rule changes this week. Mind you, these were not rule changes on things such as discipline, grades, behavior, or even anything addressing the NCAA’s own crooked employees. They were, however, incredibly important rules like no hashtag in your endzone. Another states that the numbers on a jersey must contrast the uniform color. And perhaps one of the most pressing mattters facing college football was also addressed in these changes when it was stated that all towels used by players must be solid white. Finally! The color of towels has been affecting the quality of the game for far too long. And hashtags? Oh, that shit’s for the devil! The thinking is that it is a form of advertising. It simply would not be fair for a certain school to be advertising or making more money….unless the NCAA is getting a portion of it. It’s really all about the integrity of the game. You know, like the integrity shown by NCAA investigators who are paid by those representing the very people are investigating.

New Orleans, Louisiana - The Alabama Crimson Tide and The LSU Tigers will battle it out tonight for the second time this season. At stake tonight, however, is much more than a mid season victory, as was the case the first time these teams met in November. Tonight’s winner will hoist the crystal trophy and forever be written in the history books as national champions. As big as that moment will be, there was perhaps an even bigger moment that came just over a month ago, on December 4th when this matchup was announced. That is the moment when fans, coaches, and players of every other conference in the nation realized that they are the SEC’s bitch. At that moment, as it began to sink in that no matter who wins or loses this game, the SEC will be assured it’s sixth consecutive BCS national championship, every other conference collectively said “Well it’s official…my penis is just for show now.” With a streak that began in the 2006 season with a Florida victory, the SEC has now sent four different teams to six straight BCS championship games, with both of tonight’s participants having already won one in that span. In fact, there is even word that since two teams from the conference are participating in the game tonight, that the BCS may count tonight’s victory as two national championships for the SEC, giving them seven straight. As you can imagine, this is causing some anger among other conferences. That is to be expected, however, as it is never easy when you realize that you are someone’s bitch. The conferences that are reportedly taking the realization the hardest are the Big 10 and the Big East. Of course, no one outside of the Big East even considers them a conference, so they are irrelevant. The past three years, the Big 12 and the Pac 10 have tried to stand up to the conference, to say they refuse to take it anymore and just leave. Each time, however, the SEC has struck them violently and explained that they “got a good thing going as the conference’s bitch” and that there “aint no reason to change the way things are.” The SEC would then give the other conferences a kiss and demand their money, which was a bit odd. So while only one team will own the BCS national championship trophy at the end of the night, many teams, many conferences, will be owned by the Southeastern Conference.