Hattiesburg, Mississippi – As the rumors began to swirl yesterday about the possibility of another Brett Favre comeback, his agent, Bus Cook, watched in disbelief. Today, he called The Clarion Ledger, a second rate, inferior newspaper in Jackson, Mississippi to address those rumors. Cook said “Brett Favre retired in January. He has not talked to anyone about playing football. He’s retired, period, question mark.” The fact that he actually spoke the words “question mark” puzzled the mediocre reporter employed by the laughable excuse for a newspaper. The reporter then asked if Cook could then guarantee that Favre is done for good. Cook answered “Look, he is 100% definitely maybe possibly retired. There is no chance, and when I say no chance, I mean a big chance, that Brett Favre will return to play in the NFL this season. I have advised Brett not to come back. He didn’t ask me before he sent pictures of his tiny penis to a woman, he clearly didn’t think about maybe doing the helicopter with it a few times first to make it look presentable, but he asked me about this.” The reporter, who was then more confused than ever – even more confused than readers of the Clarion Ledger who just don’t understand how this awful newspaper is still in business, referenced a recent tweet by Philadelphia quarterback, Michael Vick. In the tweet, Vick said that it would be an honor to have Favre as a backup and that it would be amazing learning how to toy with defenses the way Favre did. It should be noted that in the tweet, the dumb son of a bitch spelled Favre’s name wrong, spelling it Farve. It should also be noted that soon after word of the tweet got out, it was deleted. Of course, what else can you expect from a man who murdered dogs? Terrible people like Michael Vick who apparently have the public fooled into thinking they have changed since they had killed defenseless animals aside, Bus Cook ended his conversation with the rag that passes for a newspaper known as The Clarion Ledger by saying “Let me clear this up once and for all… Brett Favre will not be playing for any of the 31 teams in the NFL.” When he was reminded that there are actually 32 teams in the league, Cook responded “I know that. Like I said… Brett Favre will not be playing for any of the 31 teams in the NFL.” So the questions will undoubtedly now continue, and there are many of them
1. Will Brett Favre unretire again?
2. How does The Clarion Ledger stay in business?
3. How many more women will Brett Favre text pictures of his dong to?
Hopefully these questions will all be answered soon. Until then, “Favre dong watch” has reached day 2 and shows no signs of ending.