Posted on 22 December 2011 by bmar1127
Colorado Springs, Colorado - Christmas break is something that every kid looks forward to. Two weeks off from school to do…well, whatever you want to do – play, hang out wtih friends, go to the mall, or just do nothing at all. Kevin Sanders, a 15 year old high school freshman from Colorado Springs, is using his holidays to watch, as he puts it, an “epic” amount of porn. “Oh, it’s going to get sick” says Sanders. “I’m really using these two weeks to watch just an absurd amount of porn.” Sanders says it’s been a difficult semester so far adjusting to high school life. “It’s a whole new set of teachers, new rules, harder tests, and different kids” he explained. “It’s been a little stressful, so I’m just going to relax and watch a little porn….ok, a lot of porn….ok, actually, I’m honestly going to be watching just a shameful amount of porn. I’m talking like, from the time I get up until my parents get home from work at around 5:30.” Sanders says his original plan was to watch just his normal amount of porn (which is still a disturbing amount), but then as snow began to pour onto the Colorado Springs area earlier this week, he figured as long as he was going to be stuck indoors, he would need something to do. “I mean, sure, I could just watch regular TV, but have you seen the loose shit that’s on during the day?” he asked. He continued, “It’s either soap operas, or ESPN showing the same Sportscenter nine times, or According to Jim – which that show is only slightly less embarrassing than the extremely embarrassing amount of hardcore, barely legal pornography that I’m going to watch.” Sanders’ plan is to continue watching shocking amounts of porn through this week with a break over the weekend due to a personal “no pornography on Christmas” rule he has. He will then resume viewing outrageous amounts of porn on Monday and continue until 2012 arrives the following Sunday. He will then celebrate the first day of the new year by watching NFL football…..and more porn.
Posted on 20 December 2011 by bmar1127
Seattle, Washington - 16 year old Samantha Robertson only wants one thing this Christmas. “I just want the the day to be dark…dark like my soul” the emo girl tells us as she listens to the latest album from the band “The Spill Canvas.” She goes on to say “It’s like everyone wants Christmas to be like this perfect time, but like, it’s not. Like that song “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” is just stupid. You’re just fooling yourself thinking that some snow is going to make everything ok when everything is just dark and everything sucks in the world.” Robertson, who is dressed in black JNCO jeans, black fishnet sleeves under her black Something Corporate t shirt, was recently fired from her job at Hot Topic after a customer told her Merry Christmas and she responded with “Whatever, you’re dead and you don’t even know it.” She explains that “people tell each other that around the holidays to try to mask their true pain, the pain I suffer everyday. Oh, my life is so dark!” (it should be noted that at this point, she has thrown her hand to her head very dramatically as she is speaking.) When she is not cutting herself, Samantha enjoys blogging about how everyone at her high school is a poser and how they are all conformist sheep. She attempted to show us one of her entries on her computer but we couldn’t read it because she had not only painted the walls and ceiling in her room black, but the computer screen as well. When asked why she would paint her computer screen black, she replied by saying that “When your world is as black as mine, then it’s not hard to see through. Darkness is all I know.” Before we left, we asked if she were excited about the upcoming Christmas holiday, to which she simply replied “It’s hard to be excited when I know that everything dies.” We then left as she prepared her homemade tattoo kit and put on a CD she had just made consisting of her favorite songs from The Used and My Chemical Romance.
Posted on 08 December 2011 by bmar1127
Jackson, Mississippi – Amy Barkley has never had anything GIVEN to her….except for a new vehicle, home, clothing, and jewelry. This is why the 26 year old from Jackson, Mississippi says she, unlike many, is in the TRUE holiday spirit. “There are a lot of people who claim to know what this season is all about” she says, “But most of them are so concerned with getting gifts, that they don’t realize that it’s all about the love the lord gives us every day and the material things mean nothing…….Unless it’s a new pair of boots, or an iPhone, or some jewelry, or something like that.” Barkley says it just kills her when she’s on her way to a store to buy designer clothes with money that she did not work for, and she sees a homeless person asking for money or food. “My heart just goes out to them” she says as tears form in her eyes. “It’s just not fair, ya know? I mean, why can’t they just have someone buy them a house? Or at least buy them a new SUV? It’s just senseless that that no one does that!” Apparently, the topic makes Barkley so angry, that she has decided to do something about it this Christmas season. Barkley has begun selling her own furniture from her living room and says she will use the money she makes to help someone less fortunate this year. She first plans to buy an iPhone 4S even though she just purchased a brand new cell phone 10 months ago. Whatever is left after that purchase and the purchase of the new leather furniture she plans to buy for the living room, she plans to immediately go to the store and use the remainder for goods and clothing for a person in need. The only drawback to this plan, of course, is that after new furniture that she doesn’t need and the phone that she definitely doesn’t need, there will be no money left. As a matter of fact, she will likely owe money at that point. In which case, Barkley says she will simply get more money from everyone else in her family who actually works for theirs, and help others with that. So this Christmas, remember Amy Barkley and her message – Count your blessings. What really matters is the love that we are given, and material things mean nothing……unless it’s like a car, home, clothing, jewelry, iPhone, iPad, gift cards, furniture – other than that, it all comes from above.