Washington, D.C. - On this day exactly one year ago, our country became a much safer place when Osama Bin Laden was killed. But new developments out of Washington now have us asking exactly how safe are we? News arrived early this morning that Osama Bin Laden’s brother, Doug Bin Laden, is indeed still alive. Many have forgotten about Doug, as he was younger, kept to himself mostly, and wasn’t quite as big of an asshole as his sibling Osama. Despite all of this, we must make no mistake about it… DBL is still extremely dangerous. Sources say he was an integral part of the 9/11 attacks, as his bombing of a Pizza Hut in Boston on 9/10 set the groundwork for the horrific events that followed. Doug, always the black sheep of the Bin Laden family, however, had forgot to set his watch to Eastern time and blew up the building an hour late, as they had already closed and no “evil Americans” were actually in the establishment. However, this may have been a very calculated move by the younger DBL, as the U.S. government has learned that Doug may very well have known of the Navy Seal raid of the Bin Laden compound and formulated a plan to escape beforehand. U.S. intel states that moments before Navy Seals entered the compound, the Bin Ladens were hosting a pool party and Doug told Osama that he was going upstairs with one of the women that the family had forced to attend and that he was going to “park his dong.” Exactly four minutes later, the compound was raided. Doug Bin Laden is said to be the only person who escaped. Now what are the odds of that? Here we are one year later and DBL is still at large. We have not heard his name mentioned yet, and let’s hope we never do. He may still only be concerned with “parking his dong” and nothing more, but we must remain guarded either way.