Los Angeles, California - With the massive success of “The Hunger Games” this weekend at the box office, it was all but guaranteed that we will be seeing a sequel to the film. And now, it IS a  guarantee. One day after final weekend box office numbers were released, showing that the film had raked in $152.5 million in it’s first three days, it has been announced that the sequel to the film will begin shooting this fall. A spokesperson for Lionsgate announced earlier this morning that the sequel will take much more of an adult turn and that it will likely  be called “The Boner Games.” This, of course, departs from the trilogy of books written by Suzanne Collins, in which “Catching Fire” followed “The Hunger Games.” Though the script has yet to be written, Lionsgate has provided a few details on the storyline of “The Boner Games.” President Steve Beeks says that “while many people got fucked where they stand in the first film, we will be seeing much more of this in the sequel, but the phrase will be taking on a much more literal meaning. Many elements that you love from The Hunger Games will still be present in Boner Games. For example, there will still be plenty of action, plenty of dramatic battles and conquests…..they will just be more of the sexual variety.” Beeks then exclaimed to everyone in attendance “Hope ya like Liam Hemsworth’s boner!” He then paused for a moment as a look appeared on his face that seemed to be a mixture of sadness and horror, as he stated “Jesus, we’re basically just making a porn here aren’t we?!” He then excused himself and left the room. The Hunger Games’ $152.5 million ranks as the third largest opening weekend box office in history, trailing only “Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows Pt. 2″ and “The Dark Knight.” Stars of the first flim such as Jennifer Lawerence, Josh Hutcherson, and Liam Hemsworth are expected to return in the sequel, “Boner Games,” along with Alexis Texas and Jenna Haze.

Atlanta, Georgia - As the buzzer sounded last last Saturday night at the end of Kentucky’s win over Iowa State, Wildcats head coach john Calipari immediately thought back to December 10, 2011. Why? Because that is the day his team, number 1 in the country at the time, was defeated by a then unranked Indiana squad. He thought about how it had knocked the Wildcats out of the top ranking, how it had marred their so far undefeated record, and how it was all done by a three pointer at the buzzer from Hoosier forward Christian Watford. Calipari thought about all of this and immediately got a revenge boner as he knew that his next round’s opponent would be those same Indiana Hoosiers. As the Wildcats stepped off the bus this morning upon arriving to Atlanta, Calipari was still sporting that same revenge boner. In fact, reports are that the payback erection has not subsided since he learned of his game against Indiana 5 days ago, which could be a serious medical problem. Players admitted yesterday that it has been uncomfortable practicing this week with their head coach standing on the court with them sporting a constant erection the entire time. “Yeah, it’s weird,” said Kentucky forward Anthony Davis, who leads the team in scoring and rebounding this season. “But you can’t argue with the man’s methods. Just look at his career” he continued. It is a career that includes over 500 victories as a head coach in college basketball. Of course, he has cheated at every stop to gain many of those victories, from players at UMass accepting money to having other people take a player’s tests at Memphis. Both schools have been forced to vacate wins and even seasons because of him. Of course, he has not faced any such problems at Kentucky….yet. Now, that doesn’t mean that we are saying he’s cheating there too. He may or not be…..but definitely is. Despite the fact that Calipari is a complete piece of shit who just makes you want to vomit simply by looking at him, you have to respect that very same coaching record…..except for his miserable joke of a coaching performance in the NBA. Calipari hopes to take one step closer to his first national championship tomorrow, which would put him just three wins away from accomplishing that feat. It would also bring the Kentucky basketball program closer to forfeiting the win as infractions are uncovered in the future. Until that day undoubtedly happens, the Wildcat’s weasley coach, arrogant players, and smug fanbase will continue on with hopes of that elusive national championship as we all continue on watching the NCAA tournament and hoping that the camera does not pan down below Calipari’s waste tomorrow and reveal that revenge boner he has for the Hoosiers.

New Orleans, Louisiana - The New Orleans Saints have learned the terms of the punishment they will receive for their role in a bounty program carried out by defensive players from 2009-2011. Head coach Sean Payton has been suspended for the entire 2012 season and GM Mickey Loomis has been suspended for 8 games. The team will also be fined $500,000 and stripped of two 2nd round draft picks. The news came as a surprise and left most Saints fans greatly disappointed…well, the loss of Payton and the draft picks did, fans didn’t really give a shit about Loomis. Since news of the penalties broke, NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, has sent a memo to Saints officials that they now have a choice when it comes to their punishment. Apparently, he has offered them the option to either accept the penalties as laid out to them earlier today OR they can have running back Mark Ingram’s ankle broken. An e-mail was sent to Goodell asking for clarification on this matter, to which Goodell responded that the team could either accept the suspensions and fines issued to them earlier or they could completely avoid any punishment by allowing Goodell himself to come to New Orleans and personally strike Mark Ingram’s right ankle with an aluminum baseball bat until the ankle is completely broken. Team owner Tom Benson has made no public announcement on the matter as of yet, but was overheard telling Ingram “Looks like you’re in for a world of hurt, son.”

Pearl, Mississippi - Pearl resident Chris Beam is suing Jackson resident Jeremiah Lipking over a living room wrestling match that went horribly wrong twelve years ago. In April of 2000, Beam (17 at the time) and Lipking (then 20) both attended a Wrestlemania party at a friend’s house. As the night progressed, both men became increasingly hopped up on Sam’s Choice cola and salty snacks. By the end of the pay per view main event, they had whipped themselves into the kind of frenzy that only a living room wrestling match could calm. Everything was going just fine as the two men staged their pretend match, both pretending to execute moves made famous by their favorite wrestlers at the time, such as The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Triple H. Tragedy then struck as Lipking delievered an all too real Pedigree, a move used by wreslter Triple H where one man puts his opponent’s head between his legs, jumps, and and falls to his knees, sending the other’s face into the floor. Others in attendance were stunned that Lipking had taken it to such lengths. Lipking apologized immediately as Beam, more shocked than anything, said he was ok. Fast forward almost 12 years to the day, as another Wrestlemania rolls around, Beam is now suing Lipking over that very move. “That day still haunts me,” says Beam. He continued, “I was just playing around and next thing I know, I’m having my face planted in my bro’s living room floor by a foul pedigree! It wasn’t right then and it’s not right now.” When reached for comment, Lipking simply stated that “Look, it was an accident. Obviously, at that time in my life, I was not all about cashing checks and snapping necks like I am now.” Both men have since retired from the world of living room wrestling but Beam says that he would be willing to come out of retirement for one night only if it meant settling the score with Lipking.

Denver, Colorado - The months of waiting and wondering where Peyton Manning would play next season are over. After being courted by about half the teams in the NFL, Manning had narrowed his choices down to three this past week. Those choices were the Tennessee Titans, Denver Broncos, and the San Francisco 49ers. The winner: The Denver Broncos. The superstar QB and team executives are currently finalizing the terms of the deal and both sides are said to be extremely excited about this news. But why the Broncos? While we await the official details of what all led to his final decision, we do know that Peyton is a big fan of the horse’s face on the side of the Broncos helmet. He is also a huge fan of John Elway, who has a face that looks very much like a horse. Elway, who is a former Broncos QB and current executive vice president of the team, played a large part in landing Manning. The two also had a lot in common, as Manning used to play for the Colts while Elway is a egotistical jackass who was drafted by the Colts but refused to play for them, forcing a trade to the Broncos. Manning worked out for the team this past weekend and had dinner with Elway on a couple of seperate occasions. Though Manning thought it odd when he ordered a steak at the restaurant and Elway opted instead for oats and hay. Apparently, Elway’s face over the years has begun looking more and more horse-like, to the point where he has taken on other characteristics of the animal. The unforunate appearing Elway, who still fools himself into believing that he was a better quarterback than Joe Montana, will now trade Broncos QB Tim Tebow, according to reports, which is what the arrogant prick wanted to do all along. It had been reported that every time he looked in the mirror, John Elway thought two things: “Tebow isn’t me, he’s got to go” and “Jesus Christ, my face looks like a horse with downs syndrome!” Elway’s unfortunate facial characteristics aside, Ridicularity.com wishes the best of luck to Peyton Manning as he begins his new life as a Denver Bronco.

Panama City, Florida - Spring break came and went last week for many schools around the country. For others, spring begins today. In fact, some schools may not even begin their spring break for another 2 weeks. No matter when your spring break is, chances are you are planning a road trip to Panama City. If this is the case, then there is one crucial rule you must follow: if you do not have weed or Van Halen, then stay the fuck out of Panama City! It’s as simple as that. Upon sharing spring break stories this week, we at Ridicularity were reminded of one of the worst spring breaks we have ever experienced. It was 2002 and we had loaded up the car and set out for Panama City. The trip was doomed from the beginning, however, because we failed to make a a mix CD that featured Van Halen. It’s common knowledge that if you are going to Panama City, you must feature at least one, but up to two very specific tracks from Van Halen:

1. “Panama” – This used to be a mandatory track for your Panama City spring break road trip mix. It was to be played as soon you crossed into the area. However, it has been done so many times, the practice has become stale and will, many times, feel forced when executed. Therefore, this track is optional.

However, there is one Van Halen track that is NOT optional, it is critical that this finds its way onto your mix

2. “Dance The Night Away” – This song must be played both as you are getting ready to go the club of your choice that night AND as you are on your way to that club. David Lee Roth’s voice will describe to you the scenario of you walking into the club, spotting a girl from across the room. You will then know how to approach her when remembering Diamond Dave’s words when you simply tell her “Take a chance, you’re old enough to dance the night away” After that, your life will more than likely become a video montage of the rest of the evening, featuring fast moving scenes of the two of you holding hands while walking, running, and frolicking on the beach. The song will continue to play as the two of you walk the strip back to your hotel, laughing and kissing all the way. The song will begin to trail off as you enter the room, and will end just as you are about to have sex (because David Lee Roth is only helping you so much! It’s not his job to get you laid!) Maybe the next morning, you two decide to keep this going and see what happens. Fast forward 10 years, perhaps you are married with a child. You never know unless have Van Halen ready!

Now, for an optimal spring break experience, you will need both Van Halen AND weed. This will all but guarantee the kinds of spring break stories you will be proud to repeat for the next 10-20 years. However, if you don’t have the Van Halen, then having just the weed will still make for a good time and could still lead to some great times if you are among the right people. You could still go out, meet someone, have a spring break bang,

However, if you do not have the required Van Halen song or songs on a CD AND you do not have any weed, then you might as well not even go to Panama City! Just stay home, get some pizza, maybe get a couple of movies from Redbox. What kind of chances do you have out there without weed or David Lee Roth leading the way? Not good ones, we can tell you that! If you are feeling brave, however, then take your chances! See how it works out for you when your mind is not in a fantastically altered state and the words of Diamond Dave aren’t providing a montage of your night. You know what happens then? You’re in bed by 11 PM in PANAMA FUCKING CITY, FLORIDA!!! Maybe the next night you try to make up for it a little bit by taking your friends to a highly recommended seafood buffet. You know what happens then? You and one of your friends get diarrhea and chaos ensues as you both fight for the one free bathroom in your shitty hotel room. The next day you leave Panama and the only memories you have are bad ones. You had no sex, no adventures, and cetainly no evening montage! Fast forward 10 years and you are alone at 29 years old! And you know why? It’s all because 10 years ago, you took neither weed nor Van Halen with you to Panama City for spring break.

Not having any luck getting girls? Maybe you should try date rape! But not before you watch this video, as Ridicularity brings you a step by step guide texted directly to your phone!

Starkville, Mississippi - After Mississippi State’s 101-96 double overtime loss to UMass Tuesday night, Bulldogs fans found themselves scratching their heads. Not to figure out why their team had just loss their first round NIT game, or how they had even wound up in the NIT after once being ranked as high as 15th in the nation. No, that is not what troubled fans, who knew that it was a mixture of loose ass play, loose ass coaching, and losing to loose ass teams like Auburn and Georgia. What had these fans so perplexed was a tweet sent out after the game from MSU forward and waste of talent Renardo Sidney. The tweet: “I’m out!” If this were any other player, the meaning would clearly be that he is announcing that he is leaving school, either by expiring his eligibility or pursuing a career in the NBA. With Sidney, however, you can take the NBA option off the table given the fact that he is fucking worthless. So fans knew that couldn’t be the meaning of the tweet. He also is only a junior, so take the eligibility factor out. Then it dawned on everyone: “ohhhh, shit, he must have meant he was out of bagel bites!” – a fair assumption considering that a player as fat and sloth-like as Sidney would find something like being out of bagel bites to be very frustrating. Some, however, still argued that the tweet meant that he was leaving Mississippi State. Surely this could not be the case, however, as the fact is that not only would no one care if he did leave, but most would actually embrace the fact that the “large blob in the paint” was gone. Perhaps, though, Sidney is delusional enough to think such an announcement would matter to anyone. After all, this is the same person who’s old Twitter page used to say “#1 draft pick of 2012″…..how’s that working out now, asshole?! Anything is a possibility though, as Sidney does what he wants and only follows the advice of two sources – himself and the side of a frozen pizza box. So perhaps the tweet in question did, in fact, mean that he is “out” of Mississippi State – a place head coach Rick Stansbury should never have allowed him to be “in” this season in the first place. But the possibility of wins overshadows many things in the world of sports: ethics, beliefs, common sense, or the fact that one member of a basketball squad should have “accidentally” fallen out of the team bus and “tragically” been struck by that same bus long ago.

Chicago, Illinois - Wide receiver Brandon Marshall was traded yesterday from the Miami Dolphins to the Chicago Bears for two 3rd round picks. Hours later, a story broke that Marshall had allegedly punched a woman in the eye at a club in New York over the weekend. Questions then arose about whether or not this would affect the trade. Any concerns fans in Chicago had were quickly alleviated as the Bears made it perfectly clear that they are in support of hitting women and Marshall will be joining the organization. Bears general manager Phil Emery said in a statement that “both the Dolphins and Bears are aware of what occured over the weekend,” adding “we are also aware that sometimes hos need to get punched. We have decided to move forward with the trade. We have high expectations for Brandon as a Bear.” Those high expectations are due to the fact that Marshall now teams up with former teammate Jay Cutler, who was Marshall’s quarterback in Denver. During their years together with the Broncos, Marshall set career highs in receptions, receiving yards, incidents of drunken driving, disorderly conduct, and domestic violence. Bears coaches, players, and fans hope to see the same production, if not better, as he now joins the team. Among those most optimistic about Marshall’s future is running back Matt Forte, who said “Every year, we’re looking to set records, you know? Points need to be scored and sometimes women need to be punched….and Brandon Marshall can and will definitely do both.” Quarterback Jay Cutler says he is the most excited of all Chicago players, explaining that “Touchdowns need to be scored and Brandon was definitely blessed with a remarkable ability to score those touchdowns and to hit women, who are naturally weaker than him.” Cutler then added “And I like to think I was blessed with the arm to get those touchdowns to him. I was, however, not blessed with a normal looking face. In fact, it’s the opposite as you can tell, as I was clearly cursed with an extremely unfortunate looking face.”

Seattle, Washington – Yesterday, we reported a story about Justin Davis, a 29 year old local man who recently created a “best friend bracket.” The bracket backfired on Davis, as every one of his friends were so insulted at being pitted against each other, that they have all quit speaking to him. The bracket not only caused hard feelings, but also a divorce. In an update to this story, we have found the actual “best friend bracket” created by Davis. It can be seen below: