Columbia, South Carolina - Gamecocks quarterback, Stephen Garcia has been suspended for the first week of spring practice for reportedly breaking curfew. Garcia is entering his 5th year with the team, although it really seems like he’s been there about 8 years. In his seemingly endless time with South Carolina, he has now been suspended 3 times. Head coach, Steve Spurrier, who once believed Garcia would be one of the finest quarterbacks to ever play for him, has seemingly become fed up with the situation. “Stephen is a decent player” said Spurrier, “but he sure isn’t what I thought he’d be at this point. I mean, the kid’s been here for what seems like 13 years and he still makes mistakes, both on the field and off. He’s been disciplined for those mistakes, but there comes a time when you just feel like you need to take his life.” Apparently, Spurrier first began thinking about murdering Garcia in 2009, but the thoughts were only every now and again. The thoughts intensified this past season in the Gamecocks game against Auburn when Garcia fumbled the ball on 2 consecutive posessions. Spurrier recalls the moment snuffing the life out of his QB came to the forefront of his mind… “Yeah, he went out there and fumbled the ball and I was angry, those were mistakes that a player that’s been here 18 years shouldn’t be making, but that’s just typical Garcia, so I let him go, then he goes out there and fumbles it again. I had to sit him at that point. As he was standing by the bench, I went to him, kicked him in the groin, thinking that would make me feel better, but a few minutes later, I just started wondering if I could kill this kid and get away with it. But unfortunately, I decided not to.” The Gamecocks went 6-2 the rest of the season after the Auburn game, but then were trounced by Auburn in the SEC championship and lost to Florida State in the Chick-fil-A Bowl. Spurrier was stunned in the post game news conference, saying “there’s no reason for us not to win that game, especially with the experience of Garcia, he’s been our quarterback for 22 years for God’s sake!” The next day, Spurrier reportedly purchased both a gun and a large hunting knife, saying that it’s “best to have options.” Spurrier says he has spent the offseason tweaking the Gamecocks playbook, adding some new formations on offense, and working up the courage necessary to take a human life. “The time is now” Spurrier said as he bench pressed at the Gamecocks facility and chanted “Garcia” with every rep. He then looked in the mirror and simply said “it’s time.” When asked about the consequences of the actions he was apparently considering, he said “I’ll be alright, I’m Steve Spurrier. I make quarterbacks, I take quarterbacks. I am legend. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going out to do what I should have done to Jesse Palmer.” So judging by the words of Spurrier, it appears Stephen Garcia’s days as Gamecocks quarterback….and his days on earth…may be numbered.