Massapequa, New York - Last night was a big night for many people at the 83rd annual Academy Awards. There was one person, however, that it should have been a very big night for, but was not. It was announced just minutes before the show began that actor Stephen Baldwin would be receving a special Lifetime Acheivement award from the Academy. However, it quickly beame evident that the actor was not there. Even Alec, the older and far more successful of the Baldwin brothers did not seem to know where to find Stephen. “I really wish I could find him, ya know?” said Alec. “Tonight should be a special night for my brother and he’s not even around? This is not good, but I’m gonna keep trying to get him and I’ll let ya know.” That was at 5:18 pacific time, just before the show started. 3 hours later, minutes away from the close of the show, Alec, who still could not locate Stephen informed us that no one had actually seen or heard from Stephen since 2002, not that they know of, at least. What he meant was that Stephen has actually been working pretty steadily over the years, but the projects he have been working on have been so terrible, that most of the self respecting world have not seen them. The moment finally came for the award to be given to Stephen and still, he was not there. Brother Alec agreed to go on stage and accept on his brother’s behalf, but only if it was untelevised. Why did Alec want it untelevised? Well, as he told us, he “doesn’t want everybody to worry because I have a feeling that if the world were to hear Stephen Baldwin is missing, that there would be worldwide panic and chaos.” Alec then walked on stage, accepted Stephen’s award, and spoke a little bit about his brother, saying that “This award has been a long time coming and I’m proud of my brother for finally getting the recognition he’s deserved for years now. Think about the classic films that he has given us: Bio-Dome, Zebra Lounge, The Flinstones Viva Rock Vegas, Shoot The Duke, 1 episode of CSI, and so many more great great films.” Then, in a moment where we couldn’t quite tell if he was serious or just being mean, Alec told the audience that “When I look back at what Stephen’s career has meant to people and what he has done compared to what I have done, it really makes me feel worthless. I mean, what have I given the world? Seasons full of laughter on 30 Rock, The Departed, The Hunt For Red October, The Aviator, countless times hosting Saturday Night Live? Well, all of that, folks, pales in comparison to the potential my brother had, I mean has! On behalf of him, I want to thank you, and hope that in the future, when you think acting, you think Stephen Baldwin. Thank you!” Alec then reportedly could barely make it backstage without laughing. So as this year’s installment of the Academy Awards is in the books, and The King’s Speech was named Best Picture of the year, we all have to wonder if that award had gone to one of the many other films nominated if only those in charge of the films had had the good sense to cast Stephen Baldwin in those projects. Could Stephen had brought home Best Picture for The Social Network if it were him instead of Jesse Eisenberg playing Mark Zuckerberg, or how bout the mistake that may have been made by casting Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception instead of Stephen, or maybe, just maybe The Fighter could have won if it weren’t for the choice of Mark Wahlberg over someone like Baldwin. Unfortunately, those situations will have to play out in our minds only. So here we are, more than 12 hours removed from the Oscars and we still have no freaking clue where Stephen Baldwin is. However, we’re pretty sure that Stephen Baldwin doesn’t even know where Stephen Baldwin is.