Bristol, Connecticut – ESPN wants viewers to know that they are dedicated to bringing you the most football coverage of anyone this season. They also want them to know they are committed to not letting you forget that hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans five years ago. The network announced yesterday that the September 9th season opener between the Saints and Vikings will be preceded by a 9 hour special reminding us of the devistation suffered by the people of New Orleans and how the Saints were able to rebuild the hope of those people, even though the storm had happened over four years ago and most of what is going to be rebuilt has been rebuilt and that the average salary of players on the team is roughly $900,000 more per year than anyone who lives in the town. Saints head coach, Sean Payton, was extremely pleased with the announcement of the special, telling ESPN radio host Scott Van Pelt that “It’s important to remember that only New Orleans was affected by hurricane Katrina, ONLY New Orleans, no other cities or states.” Van Pelt then asked him “What about states like Florida and Mississippi?”, to which coach Payton replied “Scott, I’ll be honest, those just sound completely made up.” He continued, “the facts are the facts, on August 29, 2005, hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, caused it’s damage, and then immediately disappeared and did not travel anywhere else. And now we are very happy that this football team could rebuild this city, not by actually physically rebuilding structures or giving people money, but by allowing them to pay between $53 and $417 to come watch us play.” Co host Ryen Russillo then asked the coach if it is really fair to say that the Saints players, in any way, can identify with what the people of the town have gone through. “Absolutely” Payton exclaimed. “These players were displaced from their homes after that happened too. They had to move to San Antonio for the next season. Of course, all the their travel, lodging, and most of their food was paid for, but it as definitely still a very minor inconvenience. Look guys, the minimum salary in the NFL is only $770,000. Think about it, after you buy a nice home, a few cars, a year’s worth of gas for those cars, some jewelry, and a brand new wardrobe, you’re probably only left with a couple hundred thousand dollars. Now what can you do with that?! So yes, we understood very well the hardships of New Orleans, so when we rebuilt it by winning a championship that no one in the town could really afford to come see, we were very happy!” Van Pelt and Russillo thanked the coach for being on and then reminded everyone that New Orleans was indeed the only location that was affected in any way whatsoever by hurricane Katrina and that the Saints Super Bowl run was the greatest and most inspiring story ever in the history of the world since the beginning of time. The 9 hour special will begin at 10:30 AM on ESPN and lead into the 7:30 PM kickoff on NBC. Both stations have issued press releases stating they promise to mention the New Orleans Saints and hurricane Katrina in the same sentence at least 50 times throughout the course of the day, because that’s what they have been doing since the end of the regular season, all playoff games, Super Bowl, and throughout the off season.