Jackson, Mississippi – Frustrated by what he calls a “severe lack of knowledge” about his dong, one man has taken out an ill-advised full page article in his local newspaper in an attempt to provide that knowledge. Clearly showing a lack of judgement, Benjamin Morgan, 30, took the ridiculous ad out last week. It reads as follows:
“My name is Benjamin Morgan and I approve this message. I have recently been growing increasingly frustrated by a certain girl, or girls, that I know not displaying signs of wanting to receive my dong. As a matter of fact, I am even MORE frustrated by those that I DON’T know not displaying those signs. And I’m not just talking about those who live in my area that I see while out and about. I am also talking about those across the country, even if there is no way that you would possibly know who I am, you should still at least be informed about the topic of my dong. That is when I realized that the best way would be to take out this ad to provide you with a little more information about said topic. It is good… Real good. There are 19 and a half girls that you can ask personally about receiving it. Yes, I said a half. There was a complication once with some Ambien that I had taken, leading to what I would call a “half bang” but it was just that once. It would just be a downright shame if you did not let me dong you. It is bad enough that you may not have been donged by me already. As previously stated, however, that is likely only the case because you did not know about it. But this ad should do the trick.”
The ad continued, but it was simply Morgan writing campaign type slogans like “You can’t go wrong with Ben’s dong” and “A new day, the same great dong.” He then finished the ad by, instead of signing “Sincerely” or “Thank you,” simply writing “Get Donged” followed by his name.